Genobee's Minor Adjustment
by Ragewaar
Summary: Parody of Genobee. Enjoy. (Rated PG-13 for some cursing)
1. Genobee Saves a Raven

Disclaimer: Don't own Nexus, Don't own Genobee, and my hands can't hit what my eyes can't see. (Sorry, sad attempt at humor there.)

Have fun reading this grossly exaggerated parody of Genobee.

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Chapter 1 of Genobee's Minor Adjustment:

Genobee Saves a Raven

OR – The Chain Letter of Doom

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Genobee was very bored. Despite training, meditating, singing, loitering, soliciting, and illegally downloading music, he couldn't seem to get the feeling to go away.

"Man... there's nothing to do around here..." As a few crickets answered his unspoken plea for some excitement, he swore and snapped his fingers. "That's it, I'm going to see if there's anything I can do in Dual Face!"

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As Genobee got in Dual face, he noticed that he had a message waiting for him. _Hmmm... it's from... hold on, who the heck is this udaman200284 guy? Man, what's up with all this junk mail? I'm getting tired of it._ After quick cursory glance at the message, which mentioned something about dying if he didn't send it 100,000 other people within the next 30 seconds, he deleted it without a seond thought.

_Life used to be so great before the Raven's Ark came along... Global Cortex was so much fun—wait a second, I was never in Global Cortex. ARGH!!!_

Genobee fought back the obviously fake memories, and violently burst Dual Face out of the hangar. As various parts of the gantry that was holding the AC rained to the ground, Genobee activated Dual Face's boosters and slammed through the doors that led to the outside, screaming "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOTHERLAND!!!"

One of the technicians in the garage looked at the violent spectacle, utterly confused. He turned to his buddy, who looked just as confused as he did. "What the heck is that guy's problem?"

His buddy shrugged. "Dunno, must have been that 'send this email to 100,000 people in 30 seconds or die' chain letter that's been going around. Getting it caused me to go nuts too."

The first technician laughed. "Yeah, I hate chain letters. Did you send it to 100,000 people like it wanted you to?"

The other guy shook his head. "Nah, how could I? I don't even know 100,000 people!" Just then a flying piece of rubble crushed him, and his friend was left standing there, stunned.

"Mike? Mike!?!?" When the first guy realized that his friend was dead, the traumatized technician ran off screaming, and the first thing he did when he got home was blast his cable modem at point-blank range with a 22-gague shotgun.

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_So. I violently burst my AC out of the hangar while screaming AHHHHHHHHHH MOTEHRLAND!!! And now im stting here in the middle of the desert... and I STILL have nothing to do. This calls for some music!_

Genobee's figners quickly found the built-in CD player, and he toggled over to the song he wanted in a matter of seconds.

"OH YEAH!!!" He screamed, and started headbanging as the song "Push the little Dasies" filled the cockpit. "WEEN ROCKS!!!" Genobee recklessly shoved the control sticks to his AC around, making Dual Face do some crazy mecha dance.

Dr. ? And Ammo watched Dual Face's crazy dance from inside Raven's Ark HQ.

"What do you think his problem is?" Ammo asked Dr. ?

"Dunno, but I'll bet it's that chain letter that's been going around." The doctor pushed his glasses up his nose, then turned around and started to walk away. On the spur of the moment, he stopped and turned to Ammo. "Hey, want to get some ice cream?"

Ammo gave Dr. ? A grateful look. "That's probably the sanest idea I've heard all day..."

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"TIME WILL TELL!! IT MIGHT EVEN BRING A WEDDING BELL!!!" Genobee screamed in tune to Ween's lyrics as his AC danced towards the distant bayload city. "GIRL IT'S TRUE!! THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD'LL BE SMILING WITH YOU!!" Suddenly, his AC's computer bleeped. "Hey, what's this!??" He noticed that there were four blips against one, and the one blip seemed to be losing. "Someone's in trouble! SUPER GENOBEE TO THE RESCUE!!!" Genobee shouted as he activated Dual Face's boosters, rocketing off towards Bayload city.

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"Damn." Raven cursed as his 20th rifle shot missed the MT horribly. "I knew I should have brought better anti-ECM equipment."

The four hovering MTs in front of him shot waves of rifle fire at him, and he was hard pressed to dodge the projectiles. He might have had a chance to dodge them successfully, but at that moment the most horrible song he'd ever heard seeped its way into his cockpit, and he screamed and clutched his ears. The distraction let the MTs pound his AC, which fell to the ground as its AP reached 0, emitting a cloud of gray smoke.

"OH MY GOD!!" Raven desperatley screamed, not caring who heard. He clutched madly at his ears, trying to block out the horrible melody. "SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!!!" A thin trickle of blood leaked from between his fingers, making him press his hands against his ears even more desperatley.

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"OH MY GOD!! SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!!!" Genobee grinned, seeing the AC getting pounded into the ground by the MTs. Here was finally his chance to show off, and better yet, not be bored!

"Super genobee to the rescue!" He cried, his AC leaping off the top of a nearby building and plummeting towards the ground. "Genobee shall save you from the mean MTs!!" He squeezed the trigger of his rifle, five rounds putting down the first MT. The second MT met its end at the hands of his grenade rifle chased with a blade wave. The third and fourth looked at "Super Genobee" and ran, screaming. Genobee frowned, he could swear he heard something about a chain letter in the screams.

Genobee supressed a shudder, remembering the chain letter from earlier. Surely a stupid chain letter couldn't harm **Super Genobee**!

"Super Genobee saves the day again!" He cried, momentarily forgetting that it was the first time that he had "saved the day." Dual face jetted off, leaving a battered and broken AC in its wake.

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"Damn that bastard!" Raven stood on top of his broken AC, nursing his damaged ears. "His crappy music must have fried my nerve endings or something, now I'll need hearing aids!!" Raven threw his helmet down in frustration, and growled to the uncaring ceiling of Bayload city, high overhead. "I'll get my revenge on you Genobee! I swear it!"

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"Another Day, another raven saved." Suddenly his cell phone rang, and Genobee bent to pick it up, taking his eyes off the viewscreen for a second. There was an angry yell over the comm, followed by an equally angry remark.

"Hang up and pilot asshole!"

Genobee flipped the bird at the other AC, then flipped the comm so he was transmitting to the other AC, getting rewarded by a horrible scream of anguish as the second raven was exposed to Ween. After completing his revenge, he turned off the music, as well as the comm, and answered the phone.

"Hey, Genobee!"

"Oh, hello Agraya. What's going on?"

"Well, I was wondering if we could get together later tonight. Crest gave me this assignment, and I'm not sure if I should take it or not..."

"It's all good. We can talk it over later."

"Alright... thanks Genobee... by the way..." Agraya switched over to a seductive voice. "There's something else I want to talk to you about..."

Genobee fought down a slight wave of panic. "Uh... Agraya... I'm your brother..."

"Oh." Agraya said stupidly. "Sorry... forgot about that."

"It's alright, there's nothing wrong with STML."

"Where do you want to meet?" Agraya either missed or ignored the STML comment.

"How about that one italian noodle place?"

"Sounds good to me! I'll be there at 6 alright?" Agraya hung up, and Genobee followed suit.

"Alright!" Genobee shouted and grinned. "It's time for Super Genobee to enjoy an italian noodle dinner!"

Another angry shout sounded as Genobee narrowly missed colliding smack into a second AC. Genobee just frowned at the other pilot's angry remark, then flipped on Ween again, trasmitting the song to the other AC's cockpit. He was rewarded with yet another tortured scream of agony.

_You know. Maybe life isn't so bad after all..._

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No, Genobee probably isn't REALLY like this, but this IS a parody. Keep an open mind. Anywho, I know exactly what im going to write in the future, but actually writing it is a different task entirely, don't look for updates to this often.

WOOHOO!!! 130th AC fic!! SCORE!!!


	2. Genobee's Minor Adjustment

Author's Notes: This chapter contains the incident that inspired the whole thing. It should probably be rated R, but it's not really all that bad. Anyways, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Armored Core, or Genobee, or Agraya. But you have to admit, I've done alot more with him than Agetec has. Also, I don't own Salad Fingers. He's the property of David Firth. (I think I got that right) you can check him out on Newgrounds or , and last, but not least, I don't own All your Base, or the Ring, or anything else that I'm making fun of that appears in here.

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Chapter 2 of Genobee's Minor Adjustment: 

Genobee's Minor Adjustment

OR-- All your spoon are belong to me.

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"Shit!" Genobee cried in a panicked daze as he shut down his peer-to-peer connection software, AKA illegal music downloads. "I knew I should have deleted those programs a long time ago!" The raven dashed to the door, skidding to a halt amidst a small whirlwind of papers. "Ok... calm and composed. Take a deep breath..." Genobee opened up the door, and nearly fainted in relief, surprise and revulsion.

A green-skinned man stood in front of him. The guy was tall and gangly, and had extraordinarily long and thin arms. His legs also fit the bill, but where his legs ended in a pair of black dress shoes, his arms ended in hands that had three fingers. His fingers were long, and looked rather leafy.

His eyes bugged out of his smooth, bald head, and tiny red irises ringed his pupils, which were now staring directly at him. Genobee found that his knees were suddenly weak, and fought down a rising tide of panic.

"Hello there good sir..." The green man spoke first, revealing a mouth full of sharp, yellow teeth. The odor of his breath almost made Genobee vomit, but he somehow managed to hold his food down. "I'm here to inquire about your spoooons..." His oddly melodious voice struck a chord in Genobee, and he had to fight down the urge to scream and run in absolute terror.

"Uh... No... I don't have any s-s-s-spp-oons." The raven managed to stammer before he slammed the door in the other man's face.

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"I see..." The green-skinned guy said after the door was slammed in his face. "Then I must leave..." As he trudged down the hall, his mind was consumed by only one thought; _I must find the perfect spoon..._

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Genobee sank to his knees in front of the door, a cold sweat coming over his brow. _That was creepy!_ _I hope I never see anything like that again! _The raven sighed in relief as he peeked out of his door again, the green guy nowhere to be found. As the feeling of boredom overtook him again, he booted up his computer and started up his music downloads again, then turned on the TV.

"And in other news," The reporter began. "A man going by the name of 'Salad Fingers' is wanted for burglary. Several houses have been robbed last week after a green man had asked them about their spoons. The man is tall and thin, and has... Oh bloody hell, I'll just show you a picture." Genobee recognized the picture instantly. _Oh god, that's the guy that I just saw! _Another cold sweat broke out on his forehead. "Oddly enough," The reporter came on the TV again. "The only things stolen from the houses were spoons." _Odd... _Genobee thought. _What kind of freak would only steal spoons from a house?_

Just then, Genobee happened to look at the clock, and noticed that it was 6:10. "Ohmygod! I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!" Genobee dashed to his closet and literally threw some clothes on, then dashed out the door, a whirlwind of papers and other refuse following him.

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As he showed up at the "Italian noodle place," Genobee was quite a spectacle. By the time he had arrived, the whirlwind following him had grown to include cars, trucks, trash cans, mailboxes, and a few MTs. When he came to a halt, everything was thrown forward from the inertia of his run, peppering the buildings behind the restruant, which somehow escaped destruction by a miracle from god.

Just like an ancient greek, Genobee fell to the ground after the run.

"He's dead!" Someone shouted.

"Nah." Agraya pushed her way through the crowd, wearing a very low-cut top, and a skirt that was shorter than usual, allowing a good glimpse at her legs. "Hey, get up there!" High heels delivered a vicious kick to Genobee's side, and he coughed harshly, but didn't move. "Oh come on Genobee..." The female pilot leaned over and poked him in the nose, but still got no response. Just then a small splash of blood fell on Genobee's forehead, waking him up.

"Huh... wha... where am I? Who am I?" Genobee blurted out sleepily. Agraya rolled her eyes and kicked him again. The other raven took the hint and got up. His female companion looked back up to see a man standing over her, a small stream of blood coming out of one of his nostrils.

"Hey, is something wrong with your nose?" Agraya frowned at the guy.

"Huh?" The glassy look abruptly faded from the man's eye. "Oh no! I just bled all over my best shirt! My wife's gonna kill me!" As the guy dashed off, Genobee retreated under Agraya's furious glare.

"You're late." The woman snapped, grabbing him by the ear and dragging him into the restaurant. Genobee uttered a silent prayer as his ear protested the rough handling.

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"Well, that was pretty good, wasn't it?" Agraya picked up the last noodle and sucked the end into her mouth, then playfully offered the other end to Genobee. The said raven took the noodle, and they both ate it until their faces were close together. Just then they realized that the noodle wouldn't come apart like usual. Both ravens glared at the other one as they played tug-of-war with the noodle, Genobee eventually winning due to his greater strength.

"Ha! I win!" He cried triumphantly as the noodle slid down his throat. Agraya replied by giving him a death glare. "Hey hey, it's just a noodle. Don't freak out on me." Agraya glared at him again, and he sighed. "Alright alright... I'll vomit it up for you." _I swear, if she says yes... I'm going to freak._

His trick worked, a look of revulsion twisted Agraya's face, and she quickly looked away. "Nevermind." She growled, "You can have your damn noodle."

"Would you like a che--" The waiter's eyes abruptly went glassy and unfocused as he caught sight of Agraya, and a trickle of blood started to come out of his nose. The woman gave him an annoyed glare and snapped her fingers under his nose. "ck..." the man finished lamely, attempting to wipe off the dripping blood with a handkerchief.

"Yeah. By the way, you shouldn't stare at people's little sisters like that. Or else you could be the victim of an 'accident'... if you catch my drift..."

The waiter scurried off, and Agraya giggled. "Oh Genobee... you're so protective..."

"Hey, someone has to look out for my little sister." The woman smiled and cuddled into his arms, and Genobee just chuckled and waited for the waiter. After about 15 minutes, the waiter still hadn't come back. "Where the heck is that guy...?"

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Genobee sighed as he got back home. Agraya had dragged him out of the restaurant, despite him insisting that they should pay. The raven closed the door and locked it, then realized that something felt wrong about his place. _This is odd... I hope my spoons haven't been stolen... _As he walked into the kitchen, he turned on the light, being greeted with one of the most unusual sights he'd ever seen.

The green guy from earlier was sitting on the floor of **his** kitchen, fondling one of **his** spoons. Genobee fought down a wave of terror as he took a step forward.

"Hehehe..." The green guy giggled. "All your spoon are belong to me..." He then moaned in pleasure as his finger snaked its way over one of the spoons.

Genobee screamed, and screamed, and screamed. He eventually passed out.

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Genobee woke up to the soft morning sunlight flickering on his face. "Oh man..." he groaned, then winced at his voice. _It sounds like I've been gargling razorblades last night... Oh yeah..._

Genobee got up, needing to confirm something. Sure enough, when he looked in his silverware drawer, all his spoons were gone.

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Salad Fingers sat atop a huge pile of spoons, fondling a particularly rusty one. _Ohhhhh... that's almost orgasmic... _He thought as his fingers caressed the spoon gently.

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After reporting the burglary, Genobee sat down, bored once again, and hoping for something to break up the monotony of the day. It was just then that the phone rang, and he ran over to it to pick it up. As he pressed the answer button and held the receiver to his ears, he heard a chilling whisper issue from the other end.

"Seven days..." Then there was a click as the other person hung up. Genobee's left eyebrow found itself considerably higher than the right one. _What the hell was that all about? _Genobee put down the phone, only to have it ring again. The raven sighed and picked it up again.

"Genobee?"

"Yeah."

"This is Crest, calling about your appointment, you're scheduled for surgery at 6 today."

"Oh yeah... I forgot about that, thanks for reminding me." _Yes! _Genobee mentally threw a party. _Finally, something exciting! I just have to live until 6 and not let boredom kill me._

As Genobee finished his train of thought, a huge, brown ghost floated out from behind the wall. Genobee let out a yell of surprise and jumped back. "Who-who the hell are you!?"

"I AM BOREDOM!" The ghost roared. "AND I AM HERE TO KILL YOU!!!"

Genobee shot it a strange look. "But if I fight you, I won't be bored anymore... and then you'll be dead."

"Damn! You got me there!" The ghost snapped its fingers and drifted off. Genobee sighed and turned back to his music downloads. _It's gonna be a long three hours..._

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Even though he was strapped into a wheelchair, headed right for surgery that he didn't really know about, Genobee tried to smile bravely. In fact, he was so nervous right now that he almost wished he were bored. Almost, but not quite. He tried to hum a little tune while he was wheeled down the sterile hallways, but found that his throat was too dry to do so. _Man, fighting boredom would have almost been better than this. I just wish I weren't so nervous._

Eventually he was taken into a room that was just as sterile as the hallways. A few surgeons came in and started preparing for the surgery, pulling on gloves and sterilizing their instruments. By the time they were finished, Genobee was freaking out from the sheer amount of whiteness in the room.

"H-h-h-ey... is there' any-anything other t-t-t-t-t-than w-white anywhere?" He stammered, fighting down the urge to scream like he did when the green guy was fondling his spoons.

The surgeons looked at each other "He's one of those people." One of them said.

"Ok, fine. Let's break up the whiteness a little bit." Both Surgeons changed their white facemasks for blue ones, and Genobee felt better instantly. The fact that both masks had the crest logo printed on the front made him feel even better than before.

"Now Genobee, we're going to give you general anesthetics. Just try to be relaxed alright?" The first surgeon slid an IV over to the Raven, and stuck a needle in his arm. Although Genobee tried to fight back the overpowering urge to sleep, the drugs were stronger than him, and he was taken under quickly.

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After Genobee had woken up, staggered into the recovery room, and slept off the after-effects of the anesthetics, he was taken back into the surgery room. One of the surgeons looked at him gravely.

"Now Genobee. We'll need to perform a test on you to make sure that the surgery was successful. What we want you to do, is look at a picture we'll display." He exited the room, and Genobee sat there, wondering what this picture was.

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"Do you think it'll work?" The first surgeon asked the second one as he walked out of the room.

"Dunno. I seriously think we shouldn't have used that rusty spoon on him."

"Hey, if someone hadn't stolen all my other spoons I wouldn't have had to get out the spare on him."

The second surgeon took out a walkie talkie. "The subject is ready for testing." He said quickly.

"Good work." A cool female voice answered him. "You've done enough, go and collect your pay."

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As Genobee sat in the room, he could feel boredom start to edge its way back into his veins. It was then that the room went dark, and a picture was displayed on the wall in front of him. _Wow! _He thought quietly. _She's hot!_ A sudden stirring caused him to look down, and he saw a bulge in the sheets.

"Hey, what's up with these sheets?" Still in a semi-torpor from the anesthetics, he didn't quite grasp the situation properly. "I didn't know I have a banana in my pocket..." He giggled stupidly, staring at the rapidly-growing lump. "Wait a second..." Despite the drugs, a moment of clarity managed to break through to his head. "These gowns don't have pockets... but that can only mean... OH MY GOD!!" The lump kept getting bigger, until the blankets were pulled off the bed by it. "ONE FACE!!!"

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As the crest operators stared at the traumatized Genobee and his out-of-control Genobee jr. both of the women had revolted expressions on their faces.

"That's no minor adjustment..." The first one turned to the second one.

"Let's put him to sleep."

"That's the smartest idea I've heard all day." The first operator jabbed a button with her finger, and several tranquilizer darts shot out of the wall, hitting Genobee in the back. He shuddered, then sank back into the bed.

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Genobee woke up to see both of the surgeons and crest operators standing over him. They were talking in low voices, but he could overhear them anyways.

"It was just a simple adjustment... what happened?" The first woman spoke in a severe tone to the surgeons, who balked under her glare.

"Owwww...." Genobee whimpered, doubling over from the pain in his crotch, which was throbbing angrily. The second woman noticed that he was awake, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't overextend yourself Genobee... the corporation needs you in one piece."

Genobee just stared at the ceiling blankly. _Looks like my life is going to be much more interesting now... and I mean that in a bad way..._

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"Man, I **told** you we shouldn't have used that rusty spoon, but **noooooooo**, you wouldn't listen to me." The second surgeon glared at the first.

"Well, hey, it's not **MY** fault someone stole all my spoons." The first surgeon held up the rusty spoon that he'd used in the surgery. "This is the last one I have left. I've gotta eat with this damn thing too."

Both men stopped as they saw a green-skinned guy ahead of them. His red eyes bulged wildly as he beheld the rusty spoon, still held by the first surgeon.

"How are you gentlemen?" Salad Fingers asked as his arms stretched out towards the spoon. "All your spoon are belong to me..."

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To The Readers: 

BloodyKitsune - Well, I've got to thank you for being my most loyal reviewer! (Pins the medal on his chest) I mean seriously, it only takes like 5 seconds to write a review, and the AC section really needs more reviewers. Ok, ok, I'll start reviewing stuff here! Jeez!

Buehler - Guess you like cats huh? I like cats too, I have two of them. But I don't exactly get the point you're trying to get across, unless that was it. Oh well, it'll come to me, eventually...


	3. Genobee in the big City

Now it's time for part 3 of the only Genobee parody that i know of! Hehehehe

Disclaimer: Don't own Armored Core, or Evangelion, or Genobee, Hell, I don't even own Raven. (Sniff) Oh yeah, I don't own frivilous lawsuits either, but I'll bet I could have made tons of money if I copywrited them before those people started abusing the legal system.

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Chapter 3 of Genobee's Minor Adjustment:

Genobee in the Big City

OR – Why the hell are Evangelion characters in here?!?!

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"Sir, we've just discovered a problem with the test subject." The second surgeon, looking like he'd seen a ghost, well, several actually, said to one of the crest operators.

"What is it now? We've had enough trouble with the combat troops splitting off from the headquarters... what could possibly be so horrible that it needs-- wait a minute... there's a problem with the test subject?!?! SHOW ME RIGHT NOW!!"

The second surgeon walked over to the computer in the middle of the room. "Well, when I started testing his mental readings against classical music for no particular reason, I discovered this." As 'Ode to Joy' played, the waves on the graph grew bigger and bigger until one part of them went completley flat.

"I see..." The operator said gravely, "and just what does this mean?"

The second surgeon looked around the room carefully, then leaned over to the operator and whispered something into her ear. The woman flinched, then all the color drained from her face. "You don't say..." she said in a hushed voice, then laughed weakly. "Well, let's think about it, what are the chances that he'll ever end up listening to ode to joy?"

The second surgeon shrugged. "Well... slim to none I'd say, but--"

"But nothing. Those are good enough odds for me. C'mon, let's go get a drink. I really need one after all of this bullshit with the military divisions." The operator threw her arm around the surgeon's shoulders despite his protests, and she practically dragged him out to the bar.

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"Well, it seems that you've suffered 60 hearing loss in the right ear, and 50 in the left."

Raven scoweled as he heard the report. After being subjected to a battery of tests, they locked him in a soundproof room and forced him to raise his hand whenever he heard a bleeping sound over a pair of headphones. Despite the fact that he had raised his hands many times, it seems that he had missed some of them. _Damn you Genobee..._ The man thought darkly. _First you rob me of my hearing... and then you... wait, nevermind. Anyways, I hope your spoons get stolen you bastard._

"ds." The doctor finished his droning rant, and Raven snapped out of his trancelike state.

"What was that again?"

The doctor shot him a condescending look, which caused Raven to glare at him and grind his teeth. Looking to all the world like a royal stuffed animal, the doctor started droning again. "The damage to your hearing requires two hearing aids."

"Well gursh." Raven said acidly. "How much is it going to be?"

"About... 200,000 credits."

"WHAT!?!?" Raven exploded, jumping to his feet. "EVEN THE BEST FUCKING CORES FOR AN AC COST LESS THAN THAT!!!" He snarled in the doctor's face, and the man paled visibly.

"I-I-I-I-'m s-s-s-s-sure we can w-w-w-ork out an arrangem-m-ment-t-t-t." He stammered, the droning voice long gone. Raven just growled.

"How about this?" His voice dripped with acid again. "You give me them, and I'll let you live."

The doctor shook his head. "Even if it means my life, that is too high of a cost to ask of me. I can't give you those for free, think of all the money I had to spend for medical school!"

"Fine fine. I'll give you 10 dollars for 'em."

"10 DOLLARS!?" The doctor's face drained completley. "But... dollars are priceless in this day and age! How did you manage to come by TEN of them?!"

"Mmmmm..." Raven smiled mysteriously. "I have my ways. Now, when can I get those hearing aids?"

"I'll have them ready for you in ten minutes!" The doctor dashed off frantically, his greedy heart thumping at the thought of 10 whole dollars being his.

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"Wow!" Raven marveled. "I can actually hear again! Even though these things are a bit uncomfortable..."

"Wear them for a week, and you'll barely know they're there!" The doctor said triumphantly. "Now, can I have that 10 dollars now?" He tried to give Raven the puppy dog eyes, but the fact that he was old and bald made it look disgusting rather than appealing and cute. Raven closed his eyes and turned his head. "Not yet, let's get all this crap done first."

"Fine fine..." The doctor grumbled, and Raven filled out all the required forms.

"Alright." He stated, signing the last one. "Here's your 10 dollars."

"Oh goody goody goody!" The doctor clapped his hands together like a small, greedy child as Raven handed him the 10 dollars.

"Later." The man walked out the door, leaving a very excited doctor in his wake.

"Wowweeeeee!! 10 WHOLE DOLLARS!!! MINE!!!!" The doctor jumped for joy, holding the note in his hand. It was just then that he noticed that it felt odd. He rubbed it in his hands experimentally, then brought it closer to his face, confirming his deepest fear.

The 10 dollar bill was a counterfiet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Raven winced at the piercing cry, uttering a silent prayer for those near the building as the glass shattered under the stress of the doctor's wail.

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"Hahahahahahahaha!" Genobee blasted aside a Mirage MT, the hapless unit exploding under the stress from the grenade colliding with its generator. "I R GDO U CANNTO SPOT ME!!" He shouted, the laserblade on his left arm taking care of another MT.

Ever since Mirage had tried to invade Bayload City after Crest had taken it from Navis, Crest MTs, helped by Genobee, had been fighting a losing battle against the overwhelming waves of Mirage MTs. Only two crest MTs and Genobee were left to combat the waves of Mirage fighters still coming into the city.

One of the crest MTs fell under a hail of gunfire, the pilot screaming as his life was cruelly cut short in the corporate warfare.

"Damn you Mirage! I shall have my revenge!" Genobee screamed as he plunged his laserblade into the cockpit of another MT. The MT right behind it met its end at the hands of Genobee's rifle, the rapid-fire weapon pounding the weak machine into scrap. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He screamed at the rest of the assembled Mirage MTs. "I SHALL KILL YOU FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!!!!!"

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Raven's cell phone rang, and the pilot jumped in surprise, swearing loudly as hot coffee spilled all over his pants. "Damn McDonalds! I'm SO suing them for this after I get done with whatever this caller wants!" He quickly picked up the cell phone and pressed the 'on' button, getting rewarded with a blip as the piece of machinery activated. "Hello?" He tried to keep his voice as pleasant as possible, despite the searing hot coffee on his pants and legs. "What? I see... I'll get to it right away."

Coffee and suing McDonalds long forgotten, Raven jammed his foot down on the gas pedal, sending his car speeding off towards a distant destination.

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Genobee laughed joyously as another MT exploded from the grenade launcher's fury. "Hahahahahahahaha! DIE DIE DIE!!!" Genobee screamed as one MT after the other fell to his ultra-cheap weapons. As their numbers dwindled further, the Mirage fighters fled over the hill.

"HA! Cowards!" He crowed after them.

"AC IHateDualFace identified."

Genobee looked oddly at his computer, hoping that it was malfunctioning. His hopes were wiped out like a costal village against a tsunami as an AC trooped over the hill, looking as battle-ready as ACs can get.

"Beat me if you can!" Genobee taunted, shooting a grenade launcher, then jumping behind a building. He flipped on his battle music, which was 'push the little dasies' by Ween. Remembering the earlier tactic he had used against the two ravens that bothered him, he flipped his comm so that it was transmitting to the other AC. He was rewarded by a scream of agony, and smiled.

----------------------

Raven screamed in agony as the music that had cost him 55 of his hearing flooded his cockpit. Then he remembered that his hearing aids could be turned off. Reaching up, he did exactly that, leaving them in his ear to act as earplugs.

"La la la... I can't hear you." He laughed, then pulled a music trick of his own. Reaching up to the built in CD player of the AC, he turned on Cradle of Filth's "Cthulhu Dawn", headbanging as the death metal filled his cockpit. He too flipped the switch that moved his music to an open channel, and smiled as he could dimly hear Genobee's scream of agony.

----------------------

Genobee screamed in agony as the death metal flooded his cockpit. _Oh my god that music is horrible! So fast... so heavy... so depressing!!!_

"Damn you Raven!!" He yelled. "At least we know our music is equal! Come out and fight me like a man!" Genobee flipped off his music, sighing in relief as Raven did the same. Both middleweight ACs stalked out into the middle of the street, their weapons at the ready. Genobee flipped a grenade launcher over his shoulder and launched a blazing fireball at Raven, who's AC simply boosted to the right to avoid the massive weapon.

Raven laughed and shot a grenade blast of his own back at Genobee, who couldn't dodge in time. The blast struck Dual Face in the core, sending the black AC soaring backwards and crashing into a building. Genobee swore as he bit his tongue, spitting out blood in contempt. "You'll never beat me!" He snarled, wrestling his AC out of the wrecked building.

IhateDualFace jumped backwards, unleashing another grenade shot, which Genobee easily dodged. The white AC opposing Dual Face unleashed a volley of missiles, only two of which his Dual Face. Genobee laughed and launched his AC forward, going for the blade charge tactic.

Raven stepped his AC aside and whirled around as Genobee's AC boosted past him, unloading a series of rifle bullets into Dual Face's side. The impact of the attack caused the black AC to lose its balance and topple to the ground, yet it rose again quickly despite multiple rifle attacks. Both machines pointed their rifles at each other and readied for another round of fighting.

"AC Unit 02 Identified." Both AC's computers sang tonelessly at the same time.

Both fighters looked at the new contact on their radar with baffled looks in their eyes. "What the hell?"

"GENOBEE!!" The pilot of Unit 02's voice roared over the comm, causing both Ravens to wince. "You owe me a lot of child support!" Both of the other ravens identified the voice as belonging to a female as the red AC stomped forward, going straight for Dual Face.

"I knew I should have stayed with Shinji! But nooooo, I **had** to break up with him for you! And then you..." The female growled as the red AC smashed Dual Face backwards, then flipped it over and grabbed it by the scruff of the neck. "Nevermind... I'll have my revenge on you yet..." she ranted as Unit 02 walked off, Dual Face firmly clenched in its fist.

"I'm a mercenary..." Genobee sniffled as his AC was dragged off by the raging Unit 02. "I'm used to betrayal..."

----------------------

Two people with blue hair stood outside of Bayload City. One was an older man, and the other was a younger woman. The man's hair was almost navy blue, while the girl's hair was of a lighter variety, closer to the color of the sky.

"What do you suppose her problem is?" The man's voice deadpanned as he looked at the woman.

"I do not know." The woman spoke quietly, shrugging as she talked.

"Well, I guess we'd better call Shinji. He's been worried sick about her for three days."

"Shinji will be fine. Asuka will return to him."

"True. There she is now." Both the man and woman watched the Black AC being dragged away by the red one. "I'm going to call Shinji now... He'll be glad to hear that his wife is safe." The phone accidentally slipped out of the man's grasp, and the woman bent to pick it up. "Thanks Rei."

----------------------

Raven's AC stood firmly rooted to the spot, its pilot rather stunned by the turn of events. As he thought about what just transpired in front of him, a thought suddenly hit him.

_Oh yeah. I forgot to sue Mcdonalds._

* * *

To the Readers:

BloodyKitsune - I should give you another medal. I swear, you've reviewed my stuff so much I could faint or something. No, that's not a bad thing! I'm a review addict, so keep them coming! (Coughcough)

Mr. Zeeky - I know who you are, and I know where you live. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Thanks for the review buddy)


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